Sunday, 6 October 2013

One track mind.

I think it's difficult being a student preparing for grad school, because it is literally the only thing on your mind.  I don't mean that in a "I LITERALLY slept 20 hours" kind of way, I mean it's all you think about.  From the moment I wake up until the moment I go to bed the word GREs probably leaves my mouth a good 20 or more times.  I read vocab. I do practice questions.  I dread November 6th like no tomorrow.  I wonder what I've gotten myself into.  I read the prep book again.  I skim the pages.  I see I'm still struggling. I worry. I take a study break to work on my homework.  I think about how if my average drops 1% I'll lower my chances at so many schools. I think about my personal statements I need to write.  About the application process.  The cost. The cost. The cost. The dollars. The cents. Does any of it make sense? The fights with parents. The need for people to understand why I'm applying across North America.  The "I'm not drinking booze until I've finished" promise.  The big book of schools. The post it notes.  Colour coding. Google search.  A school that doesn't fit my needs.  A rip out of a flagged post-it note.  A website booked.  A "more information" form filled out.  A never ending process.

The worst part is, acceptance is obviously not guaranteed. Nobody on the other side has the faintest clue who I am.  I rely on the scores, the personal statement, my resume, and reference letters to speak volumes for me.  And then sometimes I'll be required to have an interview.

I annoy people.  I struggle to have conversations that don't revolve around grad school.  I'm irritating.  I'm annoying.  I don't make plans. I sit at home or at school constantly.  I don't have a life.  Right now that's okay.

Grad school is all I think about.

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